Sleep: Where Art Thou?

During every class and ironically, at certain times every day, I find my eyes dimming down... The mind dreaming of a bed, eager for a nap... Only to keep my conscience at bay! Every moment, I curse myself, thinking of the night before, "Why didn't I hit my bed early?" "Why did I stay awake?" These are the usual thoughts that come fore! Every night I finish my chores, thinking to be prompt and on time, While after the work, there's always a nag in me... A drag towards the "virtual world"... Simple browsing turns out to be a total crime! "This'll just take a minute", is what my mind says, "Lets see what's new on the news", is the next down the way, Taking an utter attempt to control myself and finally to disconnect, Only to find myself in my gaming world....an utter, yet exhilirating dismay! The clock is very loyal, flashing the proper time... Yet it seems when night dawns, My desire to do a lot falls in like a rhyme! The night turns black, My yawns suddenly seem to lack... Yet I keep on telling myself that it's time to head back, Only to find that dawn's sarcastically getting out from the sack! Yet another night gone by, yet another promise being made.... And I crawl under the covers, hoping to doze off, hoping to fade... And from then on, the lids seem to lose their taste, starting to wide apart... And thus I lay on, wide awake like an owl, with only thoughts of the morning to dread! Finally a question so grand.... Why is this sudden energy surge becoming a steady biological brand? Frankly I do not know, neither do I care... As I desperately hope this attempt to pen a few words will bring back my yawns... Helping me go back to my "nightly" lair! I am finally heading back now, with a single hope... That I do not keep staring at the ceiling... And that in the morning, I can really cope, But my only wish is that I can honestly find... My slumber indications, the next day, on time! But dear Sleep, just on request, please don't sway, Please come back....don't run away!!!

Lone Days...Lone Nights!

With reference to the title, the phrase may seem a bit twisted, But trust me, its neither a passion description, nor a fantasy to be manifested... Its just the consequence of being couped up in the room, both willing and unwanted, The inevitable claustrophobia creeping in undetected! With reference to the present scenario, the world seems like a blank page... Endless methods to colour it up : angry red, hopeful green or a simple thoughtful baige, But then again, the need to "chill out", the desire to take a break from the cage... Conflicts with the sole fact that choosing a memorable one's out of option: a major no to "engage"! With reference to the current mental state, I may sound let down or sad! On the contrary, I would rather say am living my dream, with a daily enhancement tad! But sometimes, it feels as though I could blow this out and head out for a wilderment pad... Whilst thinking simultaneously about the things to do, and things to be achieved for....creeping up like a penny quite bad! Its amazing : one's life! The thirst never dies, the hunger always scratches like a knife... Needless to say, with refence to my current status, a state I would like to term a "Dynamic Hive", Its full or desires & ambitions, with constant dynamic shitfs between focus and loose : its truly a phenomenon quite rife! I guess with reference to the title, there's one thing to mention, Though solitude may be hated & despised, it has taught me a lot, with measured validation! And I must say that at times, it felt as though I brought it upon myself, a silent extinction, But to be honest, it did give me ample time for myself, allowing the freedom for optimized allocation! Amazing it can be: the human goal, When it all boils down to a sole target, the journey upgrades to an expressway: no bumps, only tolls! I agree at times it might seem nice to take a break on the way, letting nature act on its role, But hey, I guess that's a personal choice: if you want it, you can do it, no harm in judging as an umbrella or a hole! Metaphorically, my title may seem as a message conveying my feelings of separation, constant jubilation, and on the focus that lies fore..... But as true as it may seem, it actually refers to the objective as to how i percieve, or may seem to peek down the pore: I like to see the "glass half full"....with the remainder service as a well on a hole, Fill it all you may, or go deep down as far you can....it all depends on your definition of "more"! Be as it may, seem what it may...the lone days and lone night do get tough on me at times, like a sticking out sore.... But hey, its life: you have to take things as they come.....maybe with cries, and sometimes with roars! But my motto: the sea may be endless....but there's always a shore!

Straight from Singapore

Ever had the feeling of 'belonging' to a place?? Well, throughout my childhood, this feeling shifted from place to place, but nonetheless, I guess most of the times, I was amazed to see my own feelings! At some point, a total stranger place started to feel 'homely' while at the very next moment, my own hometown seemed strange to me! Here my point of view! My migratory experiences are quite vast : Kolkata (1988 - 1998), Jamnagar (1998 - 2003), Al-Jubail (2003 - 2005), Kota (2005 - 2007), Kolkata (2007 - 2011), Bangalore (2011 - 2012) and finally, I landed my ass in Singapore (2012 - well...I do not know yet!). All I cam say is life's full of surprises. But hey, all this moving around did help me get friends from varied races and cultures, and on the overall, it felt good! But the point I am discussing here is the feeling of belonging! Kolkata - I really, do not know as to how I felt when I was too young, but all I can recollect are glimpses of certain events! On the whole, my life was centred around small family traditions, North Kolkata and my school and my baby brother! It was good! The idea of a new place seemed haunting, and on the day I was leaving Kolkata, as a simple kid I was back then, I cried my shit out! I did belong there, never wanting to leave! Jamnagar - This is the place I consider my upbringing in! I still remember the day we landed there! It was hot as hell, but nonetheless, I felt comfortable! Probably because of the 'Gujarati' standard of living, and most importantly, getting to know about the excitement about 'newness' and 'adjustment'! I did have troubles with hindi at first, but as the years flew by, I grew up to be a good, decent, slightly-inclined-towards-ladies-more kinda kid! And boy, did I enjoy the Reliance township! All in all, during those years, the 'belonging; got migrated to Jamnagar! Sad but true, I never wanted to return to Kolkata! I guess I belonged in Gujarat then! Hell I mean co'on, I had my first have-crush-then-propose experience with a girl back then! ;) ;) Al-Jubail - Me and my dad still talk about the first 2 months our last days in Jamnagar. When I learnt we were aboiut to leave for Saudi Arabia, the first thought that came to my mind - "Cool! International flight! Hell yeah!" But then, the thought of leaving my set school, current place, my friends, and most childishly, my first crush-then proposed-then flirting after rejection-finally about to say yes lady for good! Terrifies, I went on a cold was with my dad! To the verge of him quitting his job offer! But then, I do not know why, I simply said yes! And, after those words....the look on my dad's eyes is a feeling I know, at this age, understand! All in all...the beginning was cool! The ending cooler! A heaven for non-veg lovers, a place where you do not step a foot outside an AC domain, and most importanty...the tag of being an NRI.....Saudi Arabia rocked! My school rocked (apart from the fact that the strict governmental plan of not seeing and dating girls there!)! But somehow, I still felt inclined towards Jamnagar! I guess for the first time, my feelings for 'belonging' remained intact, even though the new place offered more, showered more courtesy! Was stranger, but true! Kota - Okay, this is one place which turned out to be the most ironical one! At the start, I prayed to God I get through the coaching classes entrances (having thought them literally to be the fist stepping stone towards IITs - as was said in their brochures!). Next, I did a get a separate room, and all other facilities, and once the classes started, it was hell!! Yes, I did learn to live all by myself during these years at Kota, but then again, the sheer pressure within the city left me suffocating! Starting from the morning juice shop vendor to the late night snack bar counter guy....everyone has a say about cracking into IITs! Amazing, but true! Friendless, enjoyment-less and most importantly, stressed out, I simply wanted to crack up any exam possible and get the hell outta here! So much so was the pressure, that on the day of leaving the city, I celebrated by allowing myself to enjoy the first cigarette of my life...thinking it to be the last! Sadly, that one turned out to be the foundation brick for an addiction tower! I definitely didn't belong at that place! Kolkata - There had been many instances in my past life, till now, wherein I was famous for a dialogue! So quoting - "I am the last person to go back to Kolkata and study!". Turned out, that did happen, and those happened to be the best years of my life! Cool college, ultracool friends, endless dates, my flirt-quality-manifestation, social interaction (mostly with the opposite gender), academic highs and lows, partying and everything a college life is supposed to be full of! Most importantly, I cam back to my hometown, this time shifting to a region more likable to me since childhood, and then meeting the girl of my dreams! Though that happened late, by the end of my college days, I was pissed (mostly because the college days were over) and also because of my academic propositional ventures! The latter didn't go to well.....but as I look back now, I guess these four wonderful years in Kolkata brought me closer to the city.....so much so, every holiday, the first destination that crops up is Kolkata! I guess I belong here more than ever before! Bangalore - Eye-opener, costly, professional exposure, South Indian lifestyle, earning docrine and position, and most importantly, still pissed off with my failed academic ventures! This was how I entered Bangalore! Though it was my last option, having decided to go there simply shattered my own image to myself and I hated myself for it! Though I met a lot of good people, had the most easy going job in the city, and have had the chance to show a year experience in my current CV, I still did not like any bit of the city! So much so, I ended up taking 7 trips to m hometime during the 12 months! Amazing, experiencing, thrilling, yet not appealing - this was Bangalore for me! Singapore - Finally, I am living my dream here in this city! Having completed just a month here, it feels like as if I am home - definitely minus mom's cooking, but nonetheless, I am loving it! A prospecting degree, which I inted to get smoothly, an international platform, amazing place and most importantly, the only place till now that is forcing me to quit smoking! I love it here! But then, along with the classes, the current assignments and the return of "Thermodynamics"! This is what is scaring the shit out of me now! But keeping that aside, I do not know why, but I feel that I definitely belong here! The reason I am posting about my childhood journey is because frankly, right now I do not have anything to do and I am sleepless! But then again, I suddenly remember this topic as a question once being asked to me by a good friend of mine! At that time, I didn;t have any proper answer, but I guess know I can comment of that! Life has taught me a lot of things! But there's one thing that's really worth bragging about - adjusting! It is tough, and it takes time! Some claim it to be easy, but come to think of the small events and happenings, that's when you decide as to where you belong! My bond with my hometown didn;t go well at the start, but my college and the people during that time brought it closer to me! The times in Kota, Bangalore were promising and demanding, but even though life was cool, it simply wasn't working for me! The times in Jamnagar, my second favourite place will always remain in memory! But I guess given an option to go back, I may think twice! I guess it's the place we connect to and the people we click with that make a region your home! You cannot create it, you cannot expect it, it simply happens! Right now, I belong in Singapore, and I am willing to work hard to keep it that way! :)

Wait for It!

I guess this phrase will forever be engraved in our memories....all thank's to the 'awesome' character of Barney Stinson! Even though I completed watching the entire series, this phrase is what I believe tends to bring me back to watching a few episodes now and then....even though how deteriorating and irritating the charactes of Ted, Marshall and Lily have become! Nonetheless....I guess I now realize the concept of 'Wait for it' in reality! Apply it....you may find the same! This note is like a product being released like after months! What's more saddening? It feels like it has been a decade! I may not go into the too explicit detailing of why and how such a feeling ever cropped in my mind, but the point is....I'm back! And I'm loving it! For more than a year....I have been acting strange! I stopped having fun! Kind of like a voluntary action with no reason at all! Starting off with last year, the effect of my 'expectations' from life has been so high....and so contradictory....that I always tended to ignore the current high-points in my life back then! So much so, I didn't even bother to look towards them! The effect's been strange, and sometimes I used to feel as though I really do not know who I am right now! But come to think of it, I guess now I can sit back and laugh at them all! Rather I would prefer learning from those instances! Ever feel like when you want something so badly, it tends to cloud other aspects in life? Well...I'm the live example! My educational ventures were so perfectly plannes out...that the moment one set back hit me, I simply lingered on from them! So much so, that current events like a perfect job, a great place to stay, my inception of the corporate life, the new people I met with...all seemed like average listings on charts! Now I must say that I've been lucky! I got to go back home to my sweetheart and friends and family a little less than 10 times last year! I had the chance to work in a truly awesome unit, in an other wise underestimated global MNC. I did get a core job...and the job timings...too good to describe! But I was unhappy! Unhappy for more than a year! And let me tell you...this did very much affect my own personality, in ways I never could imagine! My happy-go-lucky nature, which in todays hectic world seems a boon, faded! My enjoyment in writing vanished, and a simple note seemed to take hours to develop! So much so, I stopped planning out fun times! The effect was not only psychological! It was physical too! Imagine.....sitting at home....on weekends, holidays....you're too tired (an excuse for being unhappy) to go out....and you gorge on food and drinks simply to pass the time....droop on the couch/bed : the only thing you cane xpect is a massive 12 kg weight gain! And yes, this is my story! People do have times in their lives as to when some event of situation makes you realize the changes in you! For me, getting a chance to live in Singapore served that! After the offer and other technical stuff...I started realizing as to how my approaches may have changes over just the past year! And that was the time, I was shocked to see them! I may have wanted some changes in my life in some directions, but I have been living a pretty decent life till now! Appalling it maybe, but I guess my mentality wasn't just right enough to accept that fact! I did crave for more....but in an non-negotiable manner! I am indeed lucky, to have things fall in place for me, but due to my sheer over-focusing view, I simply missed it! I guess that time, my aim was to skip the present and see whether or not the future may at all have something related to my wishes! Ironically it did! And it took me an international flight trip, a simple excustion around the new campus and some free time in my room to realize the facts! Yes I may have had to bridge a gap between my degrees...but hell, I worked in an well renowned MNC with proper prospects and experience! Yes I may have had to face times of utmost frustrations regarding my educational ventures, but hell I did get an awesome year as a professional! I have had chances to explore myself, my domains and most importantly, I had the chance to be that earning guy for a year! And it did feel awesome, even at times I ended up asking dad for a bail-out! :P But the most important factor I feel is because this 'gap' may have been more for my sweetheart, than for myself! I may have had dreams and aspirations before meeting her, but she accepted me at a time when I was assuming myself to go away to a farther land for a longer time! For a girl like her, how difficult it may have been, I do not know! But I now consider that throughout this one year....we could develop our relationship for times when I'm actually away! The reason for my almost ten trips back home may have been her....but further more...it was for getting her accustomed to the way life treats you....and in the overall...the way we will be dealing with life together! And having had the chance to realize all of this with her, getting to know about separation and distances together....it does feel awesome to know that in some corner of the world...somebody is there whom you can call truly as your own! Consequently, I have made a vow for myself - never to allow situations get the best of me, but the other way round! This was my motto about 2 years back, but I got lost in touch with it over the times! But never again! Truly....never again! I guess now, having written down so may lines...it feels kinda good to be back! So guys....learn from my story as I have learned! You may have plans,...but hell life's does fuck with you! So better than worst, enjoy it and try to make it soothe rather than pinch, as I am doing now! For me, my dream of getting a global culture exposure in the educational domain did get fulfilled......I simply had to wait for it!

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I Look Forward To Being Happy

It's been more than a month since I have pressed on the keys of my laptop with the sole aim to write my thoughts! Guess office projects are really getting on me! Neways, I am back!

As of now....after a spring of projects, one voluntary, the other too hectic to comment on...and another on going one, I guess I am happy with what I am doing in my team! Having filled in my applications, still awaiting their submission confirmation, I am content that my pre-app and app hardwork paid me back, however sparse it may be! With some investment options in mind, even though I am stil rooting for the proper cash in-out procedure, I guess I fell happy now that I want to be content on my own! I feel happy that I am giving my gf a surprise this diwali with a live "happy diwali' on her ears, rather than an electronic one via the telephone! I am happy! But really....am I?

It's 3:40 in the morning. A casual, lazy, sleep-filled weekend with it's best night - The saturday! Why? Simple. I get to wake up late in the morning today, also on the next day! But keeping the childish desires apart, I guess I am right now feeling a bit of adrnaline surge! Having read numerous books this week, not to mention Bhagat's newest piece of work, I am jittery! Jittery at the thought as to what can be real Happiness? The book may deal with the contrasting images between actions and emotions, right or wrong, but I prefer being connected to them via a single node - Happy or sad? I geuss I am sad at times! Though I have a blast here......doing my own stuff, thinking about my future...rather 'our' future (the concerned person know's the tagged word ;) ), acting like a responsible adult, but I miss being a dependent! I miss my mom, my dad.....my irritating bro whom I cannot stop loving more every day.....my friends....my sweet lady friends (yes I like to demarcate the females in my life apart.....because they are wonderful people and deserve a separate mention)....my family! I miss her! Sometimes...too much to bear! But hey, I am happy with my life! But one a second thought, am I?

I work a lot! I like to stay ahead! Having found a wonderful and eagerly active project partner in one of my MT Batchmates, we do a lot and think about a lot during the professional hours! Back home, it me...my errands...my books...the TV....normal chats....conversations on the phone...and sometimes, a peek at some books! I am content! But then why do I always have this urge for more? Why is it that I feel terrible and blame myself being lazy, forcing my mind t bring out newer prospects, educational and professional as well? Why is it that whever I can bring a smile to her face, I myself remain a bit stiff? Even though I smile with her, I keep on thinking what can be the next I can present or propose to her, so that the matter remains good! So that she feels honoured, and truly get's what she deserves! Maybe it;s my nature, but then again....after three costly exams, why am I still thinking of two more prospects? It's not simply the cost, but I guess it's the effort!

Back in the last days of my heydeys in youth (college days that is), I acted like a spring! Trying every option possible, with my focus being automatically divided amoung all! As of now, I guess I have definitely moved on, knowing to identify options, narrowing them down and focusing, but why is there "What's next?" everytime? Does it make me happy thinking that I yearn to stay ahead in all aspects possible? Yes! Does it make me happy to belive that I can end up failing in all, with the content that I tried my best? Yes! But what happens when the same "more" concept applies to Happiness? Then where do I start loooking?

I guess it'e me and the coffee kicking in at this hour, motivating me to open up after a long time! But hey, there's one thing for sure - I find happiness in who I am right now more than in thinking what I can become! It maybe my ambition that drives me into the latter area, but it's my conscience that keeps me anchored! I mean, I am thankful to my friends for making my college special. I am thankful to my company to have given me an edge over Imperial, London! I am ever grateful to my parents for believing in me! I am thankful to her for being with me, bearing me everyday! Having read so many views on life from so many authors, I guess one can live up to the most in the present! And that's what I am going to do from now on! I may be ambitious, but I am not a shut-out guy! I maybe focused, but I do now the meaning of flexibility! And that's what I am upgrading on my own profile list....on my idealogy list that is!

All in all.....I am happy! I want to stay so! I may think for being happy....but I would prefer a Pursuit, rather than a thought as to what can and what cannot! Pursuit may bring rough patches, but they are what that make life animated! Risk consideration and too much blow-out-the-steps-and- be- careful- where- you- trod can mean one thing.....everlasting thirst assuming your mouth's dry everytime in the very present!

Monday Jitters...

Jittery as ever, the same feeling arouses every night,
Not to mention...a Sunday night
When you realise that tomorrow's the day when the week kicks off, the schedule sets in,
All in all, you've to get out of bed at dawn, only to go and fight!

I wouldn't say that I'm lethargic,
Neither am I, to the concept of waking at dawn, allergic!
But the fact is, after two days to utter rest and freedom....
But simply to go to bed early and then wake up early....well, the feeling's very acidic!

It's not simple the waking part that makes me jitter...
It's not the concept of working that urges me to falter,
But the plain motive to have to miss the late night movie the day before,
That makes me go a bit mad...feeling caged as though in a shutter!

But yes, I do have to admit,
Come the pay day...the mood's very hyper-active!
But knowing that very day is still at least 4 weeks before it arrives,
Tomorrow, like any other non-pay-day Monday, plays with similar tactic!

As the hours pass by, as the clock steers...
Every second now, till midnight, is as pure as chilled beer!
Even though my aims are met, my deadlines achieved,
Come tomorrow 6, the brain will start to shear!

Monday Jitters....
Ignorant about in the school days...
Having laughed at it in "College Ways"...
But now, getting to have a first hand shot at it....feeling's like life's completely at bay!
"It's a thing we all get used to", as some would say,
Hating Mondays...as others would may,
But I guess the irony is someting else, something behind the stack of hay...
In a desert, has anyone ever ended up enjoying Scorching Rays??
For me, minus the pay-day ones, all the Mondays!

In Agony...

A sudden burst of rudeness,
A heap of harshness,
Red eyes, heavy breathing…a loose tongue with cheek caress; My emotions in agony do not depict me,
It’s just another part of me that shadows my soul, makes me selfless…

Some violent gestures, some vain acts,
Some may seem right, but most of them are not tact,
But let me tell you, it is a fact,
Deep within I know I’m wrong, in an erroneous pact;
My emotions in agony are not mine,
They grow like weeds of my harvest soul, like a poisonous vine.

I know I have hurt you, your feelings I’ve marred,
I know I have insulted you, your dignity I’ve charred,
But let me be true, my feelings, from expression be debarred,
I hold you in full respect, with total regard;
My emotions in agony…they often sting like a snake bite,
And I grow weak, disgusted…being totally bereaved of my might.

Misunderstandings happen… and often I fight,
But, I know, to solve it aptly, sets the peaceful site,
My emotions in agony are very crude,
They are the satanic side of me….very raw and very rude!
I know it’s my blemish, and I assure you it’s within my might,
That this time…it’s me and my agony…and determined, I’ll fight!

Do We Ever Get Satisfied?

So...hitting off with the topic, not to mention on a decent note on the last word of the title, I guess in life we're simply too occupied to notice the changes in our surroundings and within us! Sometimes, what we want the most may seem to be a dream, but based on a daily life basis, usually, it's a momentary matter. As:

1. During School days, the early ones, we craved for a toy the most. Some got it easy and played hard! Others may have to earn it, but still the same, cherish every moment of leisure with it! But come a new commercial or simply with time, the article collects dust and we move on to the next item! And so on....

2. Growing up a bit more....to the stage where playing with toys is no longer cool....we are now in the age of much cooler, costlier things - X-boxes, PS(s), Gameboys and of course, Computers! Be it a new CD, a new song/video downloader, a new Cartridge for PS1, Gameboy, of a new version of the similar hardwares, out shifts from one thing to another is now stronger, higher and most importantly, a bit more frequent! And thus we go on....

3. Now, we enter the era where everyone end up saying that the upcoming two years of our lifes will define to a major extent what we do and how we live in life! A bit tensed, a bit responsible we venture into academics with full enthudsiasm, but as the days move on....fatigue sets in! The ironical thing is that even being capable of judging ourselves...we always end up praying to God as to make us perform better in the exams!

4. Finally...the college days! Tired of studying for boards, entrances for the last two years, we all are looking for some serrious fun now! Sole intention is to be regular in college, but not for the classes! Making friends, finding soul mates are a part of the process, but in our minds : we all want everything - marks, acclaim, fame, fun, lady friends, girl friends, and so on! I guess this is the time when God seriously gets overloaded!

5. The last two years in college demarcate a stage when things slow down a bit! Fun is still there, but the nature of self development and career tensions set in! We now look to various exams and job prospects and better profiles so as to get the best of the lot! What we forget is that we must try for getting the best, not getting everything....which we all pray and wish for!

6. Inception of the career years! We leave our homes, our colleges to venture into the world as a professional! Of course expectations and anticipations are here....but hey, this time...we are saturated with fun! We want to work now! Damn Hard that too!

7. Getting absorbed into the job.....one's too happy to get a posting, a salary, a residence address, some good co-workers, but we want to try out new things.....going out of the line! Getting a good project, finishing it before time....doing multitasking, these are everyone's dream at this stage....but, we may wish to shy and live easy, but we all pray for the consequences of the earlier!

As life goes on...so do we develop and mature towards various dimensions! Our needs, our desires, our hunger....increases exponentialy with every year passing by now....but I am really amazed to see all these ironies in my life as I can look back! They say thirst is good for propulsion....but is it not also correct to say that smoothening out desires to a tone that can look applaudable later one as well....is much better? What say?

Just Jcopia!

Have the habit of watching videos on youtube, or grooving to music on similar sites? Well, I do and I always think why go online everytime to watch them? Why do we need to download multimedia files suing various downloaders? Couldn't there be a simple software doing all of them? Recently got my answer : JCopia downloader (version 4.7)!

The download tool that helps you convert any video/audio stream into a hardisk file, this is the need for modern generation! No need to wait for the buffering to be complete! Just install JCopia and enjoy! Log onto : http://jiteco.com/jcopia.html or check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYTzUGWjOd0 for it's official video!

Direct link : http://jiteco.com/download/jcopia/jcopia.exe
So why wait further? Log on, download and keep downloading your favourite entertainment on your computer. It's highly recommendable.

Classificatons....

This may seem to be a Science subject, but relating to the point I'm mentioning here, it is not exactly so! I mean as far as I can remember the dreaded Biology classes, the worst was the one where came this chapter titled "Classifications"! Numerous species were grouped together.....the group names being the most uncanny and un-pronouncable ones! Tough to remember, tougher to recall during exams! But coming back to the present date, the title...the one very common among us...dreaded by every biology student.....is actually a part and parcel of our lives! The question is how far will you go?

Sharing a room with a person calls for adjustments! Sometimes sacrifices! But hey....there lies the fun right? I mean one can really get to know their extent and stretchability by doing and experiencing similar things! But, how possesive are you? Not in the context of relations but on a more materialistic approach? I mean...do we label eveything we own?

I own a lot of things here! Books, my deo, my spectacles, my purse (obviously) and numerous big and small items! So does my roommate! Sometimes, it so happens is that we may share a particular thing having decided on a treaty of equal share! But do we actually end up sharing a deo bottle, to the precision of 0.01 ml? Or do we ever share a packet of biscuits having consumed exactly 5 out of the 10 pieces in the packet? Ever heard of a story where people end up sharing equal bed spaces on the bed, even though they share the room rent? I doubt that!

The point is, in a world like today, where some say ethics are the notions of the past....where utter practicality and self-centred nature is th best approach to life, at least economically and financially, there comes a time when you reallise that sharing a thing or two out of your own pocket does not actually trigger a heart attack! I mean, c'on. I too value my finances to the extreme! I maintain cost sheets, try to normalize my daily expenses and keep a copy of my calculations down to every rupee! If anybody owes me even say Rs 10, or coming down, Rs 5 or 2, I ask for them! That is my right! Some may find this a bit offending, but its a fact. Most importantly, it's me! But hey, asking somebody to accompany your down to a local store, offering them a cup of coffee....or say some friends come over and you decide to pay for their dinner or lunch...feels good! Not that you're trying to prove a point, but simply because you want to do it! Isn't it an ancient phrase stating what goes around, comes around?

Now, what if people start demarcating every single thing, as their own? Not other's items.....but their own belongings, to the extent that others think twice to even use it for emergency purposes? What if you're asleep...while your friend suddenly falls sick....in need of a tablet which you have. Knowing it is there in the box labelled "My Medicine Box", will he/she even have the urge to ask you for it? You may allow on medical grounds, but what about the other ones? This is definitelty not self-centrness.....this is sheer parition! Being Indians....we all know greatly about this term, right from the freedom eras! Don't you think it's time we at least relax some laws....laws set by us....here and there? I mean....the Border, which every nation fights for, isn't exactly demarcated by such long lengths of fences! Neither is a single gallon so accurate while sharing an oil well between complanies! Nor is every drop of water from a lake shared so accurately by various dams!

The whole point in writing such long paras...at 1:30 in the night (Saturday night of course! :P) is to state that yes, I believe in practicality and equal share! I believe in owning things....using them for my own convinience! Yes, I believe that things I pay for....must be used in such a manner that I do justice to my bills! But this does not mean that I will draw my own border, in my own domain....simply to keep people out! If you feel wrong or uncomfortable....just blurt it out! Thing's will become understandable....once you yourself understand and allow other's to do the same! Enforcement, as we all know...leads to one thing - WAR! And who can know this better than our current generation? So guys....signing off....just to remind you....use your own things....make your point...your region...but not borders! It may hurt others, may increase your profitability....but trust me, its definitely not a profit you'll end up enjoying!

(Based on a true and recent incident! )

Corporate Behaviour....

I guess it's almost 2 months here at Bangalore.....new job....new office (no permanent cubicle as of yet though)...new city...new environment (too costly I must say)....everything is new! But as a group of people, just baked out fresh from College, I guess somethings do not change...however newness is put in front of you! I am talking here of the so-called "College Behaviour"....the one appraised by people like us...and also the other employees at BTP (my observation)...the one loathed by HR Officials (why the hell I don't know)!

This is a flat organisation. People are cool....approachable....interactive, most importantly...friendly! But come the month of July-August, things steer in some other direction! The usual call for the past one a half months has been "This is not Corporate Behaviour", or "Guys! You are not in College anymore! Grow Up!". These words, as spoken by a much notable official, in quite a 'heavyweight' manner...was the top most hated quote...not because of the message, but for the tone! We all decide to have a face off with her...of course in the most polite and decent manner possible, and being a flat organization where feedbacks from the Chairman to the peon is goven equal weightage, she ends up noting down our names.....for what, that still remains a mystery (it didn't affect the last month's salary though....donno about the upcoming one!)! But still, the fact remains.....it's "Corporate Behaviour" which we all have to adapt to!

What is Corporate Behaviour? Is it the utter politeness we all have to bring to our voice tones? Is it the overflowing tinge of austerity and authority we have to imbibe? Is it the ultra-formal nature we all have to conduct ourselves in? Or is trying to be a human....who serves to be an example to behavious...as per the context of the HR Officials? Frankly speaking, I did not find a single such entity in my entire office building, for the past 4 weeks! Yes of course, I adhere to some sense of alertness and proactivity at office.....yes, I try to keep my conduct within the mentioned codes...I try to be friendly, but with a formal touch and slight pinches of informality....but never do I try to extend the adjectives to such an extent that it crosses Hook's Condition!

What I really am baffled with is that I never actually understand what the HR people are up to? Or what is it that they expect with other people? Come the topics of reimbursement, payments dues, stipends..and they scatter away like dust! Come the topics of lectures on behavious, how to be proactive, contributing to the Orgfanization and what all and what not....they keep on standing like a gigantic figure! But as per them....this is a flat organisation...feedback from every person is treated with equality! When you tend to clear your doubts about certain procedures and rules, they keep on going with their motor mouths, exclusive expressions, and mystical authority....but come the time when you ask about serious issues like stipends not to be paid in the salary accounts, the time frame for re-imbursements, and well....you can guess! But then again...this is a flat organisation....and feedbacks from every person is treated with equality. Want to be proactive? Want to approach the RnD department, thinking that you can stretch and do something more for yourself and the company? Well...go ahead! But later on...be ready to hear this : "See...this may be a flat Organisation...but rules are meant to be followed! We encourage your aspect, but not your behaviour! This is not corporate behavious....going up just like that....and talking to who ever you can! There are rules! There are procedures....There is a HIERARCHARY!" But then again....from the same mouth...on the first day at BTP...."This is a flat organisation...feedbacks from every person is treated equally! Getting the irony?

What I have personally come to think of is that HR people consider thier grades and seniority...to be something other than the track! The company I work in follows a flat hierarchy...but this is within your own team...your boss....and the other departmental people....but come HR, well...everything changes! I really wish to know what do they teach at the B-Schools they attend to prior to their jobs? I mean...why such a nature? I mean...people can be tough to manage.....but in a manner where you end up contradicting your own words...sometimes, the complany motto as well....is there really a need for such behavious? Oh sorry....such a Corporate Behaviour?

Well....I can go on with my own work! Trying to see I deliver the best...give the best...learn the best! But, as far as Corporate Behaviour is concerned..well....I am planning to apply for a Fellowship Degree at one of the B-Schools with this being my research thesis! Thinking of a reco from my HR Manager! What say? Should I apprach as " I want to apply Mam for a B-School Degree! Can I expect a recemmendation letter from the HR department?" plain...polite and simple? Or should it be...buttered with extra oil.....extra appreaciation.....some catchy accent...and most importantly...A+ Category of "Corporate Behaviour" (HR Recommended, mind it!)?

The Raakhi Phenomenon...

The annual brotherly-sisterly event....the day when potential lovers may or may not receive shocks.....the day when people are seen sporting colourful designer thread on the wrists and the ladies, teeming blushing red, holding the gifts and sweets they have got in return....the day of complete animated events, not only on a personal level, but also on a public/business level....all in all, the day of events where one promises to be there for the other person....holding them in times on needs, while the other blushes with that confidence and sense of security, while the world around them just tries to make the things special for them, in an attempt to share the happiness of the moment! But is the thread a sole symbol meant for brothers and sisters only? Or does the meaning of "promised security and presence" still persists in existence? Or has this day evolved as a nightmare for guys....where some girls tend to seal the lid completel with this symbol? These are all various contexts of the current raakhi scenario, but today..I am writing about my only sister....the sole person who introduced me to this wonderful relation!

I belong to a family where the siblings of my generation are all boy! I don't know whether it was a sheer act of fate or a drought of X chromosomes in our previous generation men, but here we are....all boys! During childhood, I never had the feeling for a sister...neither did I think I need one! I had a conception that if I have brothers, we can wrestle our muscles, evolving our brotherhood and a sister is a proclamation of an incoming "nekami" and sole crying at every instance! God! I was so wrong! But hey, I was quite young then! Come the days of the cusp of my adulthood was the moment I truly realized the need for a sister. This was after meeting Priyanka, then...my budding sweetheart friend and also, the girlfriend of my batchmate! To be honest, we did spark off as very nice friends...slowly manifesting that part, but later on we shifted also to brother-sister relation. Okay, I have to admit....since I never had the need for a sister, I agreed onto that shifting solely because she was committed, and I do not flirt with committed girls! :P :D. This was, I guess, more of due to the flatterer and flirt in me...which acted on, but as the days rolled by, I started to realize the actual effect of this relation.

She trusted me more....and so did I. Sometimes, I ended up sharing things with her, to an extent I had never done before with my friends. Same was the response from her side. We had fights, conception disagreements...and what all and what not! But we stood still! At one point, we even had times when we simply stopped talking...or ended up having cold vibes, but I guess when back at home, it was this relation that geared ahead, keeping the bond alive! She teased me as though I never paid much attention to the girls who were already committed.....partly true, partly wrong, but I guess by this date, I have proved her wrong! I do care for her, the way a friend should do...the wat a brother should do! I am ready to support her in any manner, trying to introduce her to new opportunities she can try out, in order to truly test her potential (God, she knows how much "gyaan" have given her on this context), but on the bottomline, I guess after numerous good times and equally rough patches, I can say aptly that come what may, she'll always find me on her side!

I guess I have to hand it to her....having introduced me to such a pure relation! Yes, we are more like good friends, but by this time...the platform of it has evolved, and now....when I am miles apart from her, having received a raakhi by mail....I simply cannot stand still, admitting that I'm OK. I feel utterly nostalgic! I feel I could have been there, or she could have been here! I could have treated her, got her some new (ektu shosta) items....simply to watch her smile and her eyes starting to twinkle! I wish today could have been the day for us...where we could have met...not simply as friends, but as brothers and sisters! Yes, at times, we do flirt with each other. But that's the element of friendship! :P

So I guess this is me...signing off...saying a hi and a bye to me sweet sister! Stay beautiful dear....stay utterly sexy! And mind you, we can always go on a date baby! But don't worry, it'll be a date on the outside, but come inside, it will be a date of a brother...treating her sister, making her have a few moments of happiness! Chill re!

(Dedicated to Priyanka Paul....) (Aar bolbi je committed meyedr naki ami patta di na? )

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How Far Can You Go?

Sometimes in life, at times quite grave,
There's this need to be self-less, to be bold, to brave...
In order to do something for a loved one, for an emotion to save...
That our minds tell us to stop, only the heart commands to go down the pave!
At that point, it's us, our nature...that forces us into the sacrificial cave,
Making us do the right thing needed, for that special one....making us go against the wave!
But as easy as it sounds, or as simple it may seem to be so..It's as tough to follow, as critical as a pain can grow,
Beacuse of the fact that it tears us apart, making us shiver...from head to toe..
That the question remains strong, just think.....How far do you think you can go?

Holding her hands, Embracing her tight...
The world always seems to spin around, and then fo bright!
But imagine the point when such luxuries strive only in dreams, only in the distant sight,
What happens next...is all up to us...we can turn away....or stay, giving it a fight!
But whatever be our dialogues before, or the claim of our might...
When times comes, there's a summon of true valour and honour...we can shy away, or stand upright!
As easy as it sounds, or as simple it may seem to be...
Claiming and carrying are two diagonal features, as opposite as one can see....
Because of the fact that it rips our hearts, setting our emotions on flame...on the flow..
It's easy to think....but harder as you dig deep....just ask yourself, How far are you willing to go?

Love's a divinity, an aura or pure ecstasy,
But it too faces times so grave, times of testing....or sheer capability,
That it may seem a cake-walk at first, and move on to be a sensous emotion of divine serenity...
It it too needs some care to be fuelled, something that stands out of normality!
One may surprise, one may bring a smile so glowing...
One can shower gifts, one can simply devote time, just to keep the heart beating!
Some say it needs a spark, it needs some mystery...just to be exciting,
Others state that actions should be apt, being concerned with monotony or things turning boring!
Some say its necessary to please....to excite...
While others are more concerned just to soothe....or to ignite...
But whatever we do, act upon....the questions remains that whether we do what is right?
Whether we can allow some pain for us, just to make her wishes see the light?
Or whether we do something unasked..out of the league, just to see the element of surprise?
But the fact remains....to do what is asked, needed and right...sometime pokes us tight, so much so...
That it ends up puncturing the heart, our feelings toi whither....with the pain taking it tow...
The question stands intact..it's thought still deep and pure...
It's solely for love...being the acid test for all to know....
Think deep...think hard...that honestly, How Far Can You Go?

Your Wife's Mine!!! (English Version of "Tor Bou Amar")

Well....the idea...the concept...the naughtiness...the feel...all are my creations under this one title : Your Wife's Mine! This took shape during a regular discourse at the college canteen, probably at the start of my sophomore year. The characters, the backdrop, the events and most importantly, the hunsbands and the wives...all had been decided! Hell, we even created two to three episodes of this fictitious serial, just sitting back with coffee cups in our hands! What awesome days! This note is a dedication....a dedication to not only our "social" serials and daily soaps, but also a dedication to their contribution in generalizing and commonizing terms and events like plastic surgery, marriages/re-marriages, pregnancies, abortions, affairs...and the list goes on! At that time, I had thought that hey, if people love watching things for hours on the television highlighting these aspects as if they're our daily bread n butter, why not try an idea for myself? At least we'll have fun discussing them! :D

Just imagine...the kind of linguistic vagrances we use for the Western Society, simultaneously propelling our own culture and practices to the peak! Well, our usual claim is that they do not know what decency and stability is, and should learn from us. True! But is this applicable to all our aspects? I mean, if the Govenrment approved Censor Board can cut certain "scenes" from the movies, simply to reflect our social touch, whilst allowing the serials to promote conceptions that way more awkward and beyond the movies themselves????? During the 80's, a smooch was regarded as something vile to be presented on screen. As a result, the idea was retained, replacing the video with two nudging flowers (usually a sunflower). Come the new millenium, we definitely have opened up, and I believe there's a need to do so. But still, we hold back certain similar aspects and concepts! Well, if that is the case, how come the K serials get the licence to promote pregnancies and abortions as if they were a matter of mere transactions? Or the number of marriages a woman can have? Or even the extra-marital affairs? The fact is, it is shown on TV that these things were unwanted and loathed, based on the situation....but just one simple question, keep showing a kid some porn movie covers, and keep on telling them...do not watch them, they are vile and bad...days in and days out, every single time! Is it not very usual to expect him/her to have ended up enjoying the movie th very next days? It's always the curiosity that works!

Be it tiffs between relatives, preconceived notions about social aspects or simple minor mentalities, all are being moulded into something quite strange! People loathe the cultures like Live-In, Bachelorhood, Spinstership, having children out of wedlock but the vary same, they lap it all up during the prime time hours! Ironical, but this is what has become of the current TV Audiences! Whatever crap they hand out, they just seem to lap it all up! These days, in a serial, if you miss out in between, you may end up tuning to it later on, only to find that so and so lady has now shifted her affair status to so and so person, already having 2-3 kids, pregnant with one....and having left the prior ones with the previous guy! Or maybe same's the case for th guy, in a vice-versa manner! Sometimes, it's like getting an abortion (the sole outcome of premarital sex, as if people as so dumb enough not to take precautions and stuff) is like buying a candy....or getting a divorce, mind you with tearful eyes, is easy, getting a soulmate the very next episode is easier! Ever noticed the fact that sisters of husbands are meant to be the devils, while the newly wedded wife turns out to be the saviour of a family, everytime? Also, how come a guy, with a girls child, has to face so so many tensions...as if he's runnig the universe and it's going awry and all the shit in the world happens only to him....and a guy with a male child can bloat around all he wants?

I agree that modern serials, the one's springing new in, are more focused towards social issues like child marriages and stuff! It's a thing to be applauded. But don't you agree that even though they start off with intentions so noble, they end up dragging their telecasts into the very same matter, highlighting more the incentives and methods of the attrocities more, rather than on how to curb them out? This is the thing which annoys me the most! I mean...if the censor board can clip off scenes, just to make them worth pictured on Indian Screens, what the hell are they doing about the one's being broadcasted daily? Either you curb them out completely, or influence the people in such a manner that the constant over-rating of self culture, and demeanour of the one's belonging to others be stopped! I think it's not much to ask!

Coming back...the sole intention of giving the article this name is because I am damn sure, people will end up reading to this line and get attracted more due to the title (almost to the tune of 70%)! See what I mean? The lines sound bad...but the idea attracts right? So are we any different from the one's sitting in USA/UK/Australia? Think it out! If yes, then......well.....no comments! If no, then should we discuss out the episodes and storyline of the title in the discussions box? ;) ;) :D