I Look Forward To Being Happy

It's been more than a month since I have pressed on the keys of my laptop with the sole aim to write my thoughts! Guess office projects are really getting on me! Neways, I am back!

As of now....after a spring of projects, one voluntary, the other too hectic to comment on...and another on going one, I guess I am happy with what I am doing in my team! Having filled in my applications, still awaiting their submission confirmation, I am content that my pre-app and app hardwork paid me back, however sparse it may be! With some investment options in mind, even though I am stil rooting for the proper cash in-out procedure, I guess I fell happy now that I want to be content on my own! I feel happy that I am giving my gf a surprise this diwali with a live "happy diwali' on her ears, rather than an electronic one via the telephone! I am happy! But really....am I?

It's 3:40 in the morning. A casual, lazy, sleep-filled weekend with it's best night - The saturday! Why? Simple. I get to wake up late in the morning today, also on the next day! But keeping the childish desires apart, I guess I am right now feeling a bit of adrnaline surge! Having read numerous books this week, not to mention Bhagat's newest piece of work, I am jittery! Jittery at the thought as to what can be real Happiness? The book may deal with the contrasting images between actions and emotions, right or wrong, but I prefer being connected to them via a single node - Happy or sad? I geuss I am sad at times! Though I have a blast here......doing my own stuff, thinking about my future...rather 'our' future (the concerned person know's the tagged word ;) ), acting like a responsible adult, but I miss being a dependent! I miss my mom, my dad.....my irritating bro whom I cannot stop loving more every day.....my friends....my sweet lady friends (yes I like to demarcate the females in my life apart.....because they are wonderful people and deserve a separate mention)....my family! I miss her! Sometimes...too much to bear! But hey, I am happy with my life! But one a second thought, am I?

I work a lot! I like to stay ahead! Having found a wonderful and eagerly active project partner in one of my MT Batchmates, we do a lot and think about a lot during the professional hours! Back home, it me...my errands...my books...the TV....normal chats....conversations on the phone...and sometimes, a peek at some books! I am content! But then why do I always have this urge for more? Why is it that I feel terrible and blame myself being lazy, forcing my mind t bring out newer prospects, educational and professional as well? Why is it that whever I can bring a smile to her face, I myself remain a bit stiff? Even though I smile with her, I keep on thinking what can be the next I can present or propose to her, so that the matter remains good! So that she feels honoured, and truly get's what she deserves! Maybe it;s my nature, but then again....after three costly exams, why am I still thinking of two more prospects? It's not simply the cost, but I guess it's the effort!

Back in the last days of my heydeys in youth (college days that is), I acted like a spring! Trying every option possible, with my focus being automatically divided amoung all! As of now, I guess I have definitely moved on, knowing to identify options, narrowing them down and focusing, but why is there "What's next?" everytime? Does it make me happy thinking that I yearn to stay ahead in all aspects possible? Yes! Does it make me happy to belive that I can end up failing in all, with the content that I tried my best? Yes! But what happens when the same "more" concept applies to Happiness? Then where do I start loooking?

I guess it'e me and the coffee kicking in at this hour, motivating me to open up after a long time! But hey, there's one thing for sure - I find happiness in who I am right now more than in thinking what I can become! It maybe my ambition that drives me into the latter area, but it's my conscience that keeps me anchored! I mean, I am thankful to my friends for making my college special. I am thankful to my company to have given me an edge over Imperial, London! I am ever grateful to my parents for believing in me! I am thankful to her for being with me, bearing me everyday! Having read so many views on life from so many authors, I guess one can live up to the most in the present! And that's what I am going to do from now on! I may be ambitious, but I am not a shut-out guy! I maybe focused, but I do now the meaning of flexibility! And that's what I am upgrading on my own profile list....on my idealogy list that is!

All in all.....I am happy! I want to stay so! I may think for being happy....but I would prefer a Pursuit, rather than a thought as to what can and what cannot! Pursuit may bring rough patches, but they are what that make life animated! Risk consideration and too much blow-out-the-steps-and- be- careful- where- you- trod can mean one thing.....everlasting thirst assuming your mouth's dry everytime in the very present!